January's gift

January, I think, is no easy time for folks. Right now feels especially stark as we continually hear about friends being laid off or their businesses suffering. Each day my husband and I remind ourselves to count our blessings. Plus, the days lack the light that we need to thrive. Then there's the holidays which can zap any mama... I don't care how organized or zen you are. There are incredible highs and lows to all that excitement. So I've found myself in a state of constant reflection since things have slowed down. That's difficult for me. I'd rather be achieving, creating new work, getting things done, shining... you know, sparkling and zipping along. But instead, I feel like curling up. Like a cat, I don't want to be bothered. I just watched this clip and it felt like a dam had been blown to pieces in my soul. Is it too much to want it all? I keep thinking about a quote from the clip... "if you have the urge to be creative then it's imperative that you express it."

I have needed to create ever since I was very young. I think that I also got the message at some time in my youth that one needed to earn a responsible living and that artists lack direction. It's interesting because as I'm closing in on forty, I know AND accept something about myself that I did not before. Creating, makes me happy. Period. It is what I dream about doing. I want to create works both written and visual. Making bags is fine, a bread and butter kind of thing that allows me to afford materials so that I can create. I don't dream of doing social work, or selling more bags. I want to be a good mother, a good partner, a good friend, but I also want to create and I want it to be my job to do that, and I want to continue loving it, and be successful at it. Really... do you think that too much to ask from this universe?