Friday, July 30, 2010

At the end of July

I've been walking every morning.... early. It's the only way I've found in the last few weeks to get some time to myself, and get some exercise. At first, it seemed brutal to get dressed in the darkness of our quiet house. Now, I relish it. Each morning I am greeted by cool, grey mist and the singsong chatter of various birds. There is a mountain behind our house with neatly paved roads that I work my way up. It feels like a sense of accomplishment (which I'm not feeling as much in other areas of my life right now.)

It's been a difficult summer in both expected and unexpected ways. This is usually the time of season when I feel totally drained by the circus ride of providing an adventure camp for my children. It's amazing to spend so much quality time together, but the flip side of that is very little self care on my part. I also find that I am anxious about my mom and dad in ways that I have not experienced before. Suddenly, they both seem older and more frail. Maybe it is just my fears projected.

My mom is returning to outpatient radiology today for her second round of having her lung drained. Less than a week after the first procedure, her lung has filled again with an equal amount of fluid. (Last week they drained nearly two pounds.) So, today, is once more about letting go and sending good thoughts. My hope is to focus on the present, and enjoy this day without worrying endlessly about the future. No easy task for this girl, I tell you.


Melissa said...

Peace and good thoughts to you, friend. Hoping it gets a little easier soon.

Anonymous said...

Same here my sweet friend!! These are the times when I wish we were living there full-time so I could come over for a chat, cup of tea, a release of being stressed over whatever and always.......a hug! I miss you!! all!!!

Cheryl Arkison said...

You must be part Ukrainian. We Ukrainians have a worrying gene that tops any general mom worrying gene. Combined, they are deadly.

Glad that you can relish the walks. It's a tough time, so do what you have to. Hope you mom is okay after the procedure.

Anonymous said...

I feel an early morning stumble coming on. Ready for some company. Your peaceful surroundings will be safe with me, as it will be too early for me to do more than grunt and stare. love, cin