Thursday, April 16, 2009
Some days I just hit the wall...
Lately I have gotten plenty of feedback from friends that our life seems idyllic as presented on this blog. It's not really, and blogs are just a quick blip of any one's day. It's like flipping through a magazine... glossy, tailored, and inspiring. And let's face it, really, who wants to read about hum drum over and over again? I don't, and I don't gain inspiration from reading about other's misery or doldrums. I do, however, think it's important to be authentic. I have about a thousand ups and downs in a day. In fact, since I had kids, that roller coaster ride has increased in it's intensity. I think the difference is, that I don't take all those ups and downs quite as seriously as I did before. It just seems to be a more ordinary occurrence, and therefore, it's "par for the course." You know, the little things... like when I peel my two year old's banana, I'd better do it without breaking it, otherwise this will lead to hysterics that would make the neighbors consider calling D.S.S. I should also mention that thus said two year old eats about five bananas a day, on average, so you do the math. There can be quite a few ups and downs in a day. Do you want to hear all about them? Probably not... and I don't have the time to write about it all.
What I do like to write about is that things that inspire me or the things that I have accomplished. I like to focus on the beautiful things in our life and those that bring me a greater sense of peace and joy. Some days it is a fleeting sense of joy. This week, there have been many more dark moments for me than bright ones. I have been an impatient mommy. I have yelled. I have cried. I have wondered why it is that I think my children are better off at home with me, instead of child care. It was just one of those weeks. But, you know, I will get up tomorrow morning, and put my feet solidly on that hard wood floor. I will pledge to be a more compassionate, patient, loving, present, soulful, joyful mommy. Chances are that for the most part, I will succeed. I laugh at the advice I gave parents previously during the days of my occupation as a child therapist. It was idealistic, a perfectionist's, and lacked the understanding of real life endeavors. I know, now, that ups and downs are as real as it gets. The ideal of perfect parenting is a veneer, but love is as rooted as any plant or tree.