Thursday, April 16, 2009

Some days I just hit the wall...

Lately I have gotten plenty of feedback from friends that our life seems idyllic as presented on this blog. It's not really, and blogs are just a quick blip of any one's day. It's like flipping through a magazine... glossy, tailored, and inspiring. And let's face it, really, who wants to read about hum drum over and over again? I don't, and I don't gain inspiration from reading about other's misery or doldrums. I do, however, think it's important to be authentic. I have about a thousand ups and downs in a day. In fact, since I had kids, that roller coaster ride has increased in it's intensity. I think the difference is, that I don't take all those ups and downs quite as seriously as I did before. It just seems to be a more ordinary occurrence, and therefore, it's "par for the course." You know, the little things... like when I peel my two year old's banana, I'd better do it without breaking it, otherwise this will lead to hysterics that would make the neighbors consider calling D.S.S. I should also mention that thus said two year old eats about five bananas a day, on average, so you do the math. There can be quite a few ups and downs in a day. Do you want to hear all about them? Probably not... and I don't have the time to write about it all.

What I do like to write about is that things that inspire me or the things that I have accomplished. I like to focus on the beautiful things in our life and those that bring me a greater sense of peace and joy. Some days it is a fleeting sense of joy. This week, there have been many more dark moments for me than bright ones. I have been an impatient mommy. I have yelled. I have cried. I have wondered why it is that I think my children are better off at home with me, instead of child care. It was just one of those weeks. But, you know, I will get up tomorrow morning, and put my feet solidly on that hard wood floor. I will pledge to be a more compassionate, patient, loving, present, soulful, joyful mommy. Chances are that for the most part, I will succeed. I laugh at the advice I gave parents previously during the days of my occupation as a child therapist. It was idealistic, a perfectionist's, and lacked the understanding of real life endeavors. I know, now, that ups and downs are as real as it gets. The ideal of perfect parenting is a veneer, but love is as rooted as any plant or tree.


Cheryl Arkison said...

Good on you to share those thoughts. I myself had a full-on temper tantrum in front of The Monster last week. Oddly, it worked at getting her to behave for the next few hours (though that was not my intention). This week are focused on surviving, nothing more.

Melissa said...

Isn't it the truth? Remember what you said to me last week when I was having those weeks (and thank you for saying that about the bananas. I thought my kid was a wierd-o.) Real Mommy-- with all her ups and downs-- is probably way more fun that Glossy Advertising-Created Mommy, anyway.

If it makes you feel better, the last time (indicating that it is a regular occurance) I locked myself in the bathroom I slammed the door so hard a shelf got rattled and a big cut crystal bowl fell on my head. And then I had to laugh. Hang in there-- this too, shall pass.

jen dB said...

omg, we have Broken Banana Syndrome in our house, too... :) and yes, some days that is all it takes to send _me_ over the edge.

Liz said...

tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow!
Hang in there girl. We have all been there or are currently there as well or are currently drinking a beer to get to bedtime!
Two words- sewing weekend!

PS: I found me sewing feet, they were in the trash!