Vernal equinox

It's here! Happy Spring, Friends.

Happy Valentine's Day

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It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

Today was the first morning that I woke up and didn't have to get ready for work or take the kids to school. It was bliss. I opened my eyes and immediately felt jazzed about the day, and the next ten to come. No work, no school. I guess one of the truest perks of working (beyond income) is that it really makes you appreciate spending time with family.

The morning started with cookies being made, honey labelled with ribbons for gifts,and last minute wrappings of some felted ornaments that we have been making in the afternoons and evenings.

We met with friends for lunch at their home, and enjoyed spending time and exchanging gifts. This was one of the handmade gifts from my friend (above.) Isn't she so talented?! It is one of the most beautiful ornaments I have ever received. Today we took pictures of our children in front of the tree for their ninth year together. We have done this every year since they were born, and it is something that is a hallmark of Christmas for me now.

Every year, I remember the years before when they were all so much smaller, when somebody fell apart, when the picture was less than perfect, and we shook our heads and took the picture anyway. It is such a lovely way to capture each year as it passes in a tradition of being together and being who we are.

Presents aren't under the tree in our home yet, but there have been many closed doors in the house though out the past couple of weeks, with whispering and planning. Tomorrow is the day. Things will be wrapped and placed. There will be inspections by the 5 and 8 year old. What has their name on it and does it rattle when shaken?

A gift for our solstice this year from my parents. It is an heirloom that will be cherished. We grew up with one of these on our table every winter, and the candles were always lit for Christmas dinner. I was so touched, and we have lit it each night since the solstice. It has been an unspoken dream of mine to have one for our family, and now we do.

So.... I'd like to wish you all Happy Holidays. It's my hope that they are filled with peace, joy, and love where ever you are in this world. Many blessings.

Survivor's Day

Today is Dia De Los Muertos, the Day of the Dead. I am not Latin American, but found myself contemplating the holiday on this morning's run. Leaves littered the trail, and more were falling in the bright sunlight. The transition to winter was occurring before my eyes. I thought about those that have died in my life. That mixture of emotions that always accompanies such thoughts flowed through me, left behind with each stride. Then, I started thinking about parts of myself that have died, and been reborn. I started thinking in terms of all the seasons of change in my life, the many things that I have survived whether it was trauma from a dog attack, or my sister's suicide. I visualized all people in the world, and thought about how each of us is a survivor. We've all had struggles, illnesses, traumas, abuses, losses, defeats, challenges, heart break .... things that we have survived. I started thinking, "why don't we have a day that we call 'Survivor's Day?'" You know.... a day that we all celebrate being resilient, being strong, being hopeful, and nurturing every person's ability to rise above life's challenges. So, for me, every year, November 1, Dia De Los Muertos will be the day of the dead in which I celebrate the resilience of the human spirit and the beauty of living.... Survivor's Day.

These days...

I'm clinging to the last flowers of summer....

More than a little bummed that I couldn't do the Asheville Half Marathon with my running partner this weekend due to plantar fascitis that just will not go away....

Sewing tons for the November show because it hurts to be on my feet too much....
excuses, excuses, excuses.

Feeling pretty grateful and content, all things considered.

Camp Mommy

She only gets one camp during the summer.... it's been that way since she was old enough to attend a program. Our little guy? Next year will be his time. It's what we can afford, so the onus has always fallen on me to stimulate their creative minds and meet their needs. We have a pool membership and that gets lots of energy out in the first part of the day. (That we've done for 6 years... no regrets and $ well spent.) So what do we do every afternoon? There are play dates here and there, but then there's "Camp Heather."

This summer it has been playing board/card games, sewing, artwork, reading, building with Lego's. My little guy still gets some quiet time most days, which often results in him falling asleep. (We all need a break from his exuberance.) It's funny how now that I'm working and putting my energy towards other people's children (doing therapy), I'm valuing this time with my own kids so much more this summer. There was a time, not too long ago, when big chunks of summer were grueling for me. I was often short tempered with two young kids for long hours, and sorely in need of some time to myself. I find myself stressed by different things now.... work, schedules, logistics. I make time for myself by rising at 5:30 a.m. and running. I crave time at home with just our family. I sometimes don't want to talk to anybody; I just want to escape from the problems and business of the world. I have to take deep breaths even more often these days, but it's in an effort to keep up with the pace of our busy schedule.


When did it all shift? I missed the delineating moment. Here we are, eight years later, and time spent with her in the afternoons is what can be so settling for me. Swimming in the pool with him can be the thing that brings joy to my day. Pinch me. It's all going too fast. Still, I'm far from perfect and one exhausted mommy at the end of every day. I want to hang on to it all and I'm driven to live every moment, even the difficult ones. My, what full moments they have been. How lucky I am to be at home with them, working part-time and not full-time. I remind myself every time I feel tired, stressed, or envious of others. I have a good life, indeed.... yes, I do.

Food for thought

Our daughter made this appetizer all on her own and surprised us with her creation. She went to the garden, picked the peas and basil, brought them to the kitchen, and created a dip with olive oil and sea salt. She displayed all of this with her usual artistic flair. I was completely surprised, but I shouldn't have been. She has been raised with parents who love sharing good food, and she is an incredible artist.

That got me to thinking. Is it just who she is, or how we've raised her? If I'm honest with myself, it's probably a bit of both. When it comes to parenting, the whole thing is largely an intuitive process for me. Some days I have it, some days I don't. My husband and I are good parents who make mistakes. Despite the mistakes, it's gratifying to realize that some of the things we've done along the way have affected our children positively. For our kids, raising food and having honey bees is one of those things.

My first vegetable garden was one that I planted was 15 years ago. I remember then, that it seemed like some mystery. How could people grown such an abundance of food from a few packets of seeds? A couple of friends gave me advice, I read "Square Foot Gardening," and I dug up the grass in the back of our rental to create my vege patch. I was completely awed that we had so much zucchini that summer, I didn't know what to do with it all. (I made a whole heck of a lot of zucchini bread.) Suddenly, raising vegetables was no longer something other people did; it became what I did.

I've had vegetable gardens every summer since. Some gardens have been more prolific than others, and I've learned a ton along the way. My biggest advice would be"just do it!" It's really not that difficult and there is plenty of room for error. Plants are miraculous in their ability to grow. You don't have to do everything perfectly the way some gardening books make it sound. Just put a plant or seed in the ground or a pot. See what happens. See if it changes the rhythm of your days, or the way you view the world. Maybe it becomes the center of your summers with your children.

But, back to that parenting part. I often notice parents who spend a great deal of time reading parenting books, or planning the activities that will enhance their children's future abilities. I worry sometimes, if we are meeting our children's needs. Perhaps I need to read a book or two. Maybe they should be enrolled in more activities. I have times where I question myself as a parent relentlessly. Then there is some small moment that reminds me that as a family, we're on the right track. We have a rhythm that works well for us. Naturally setting an example for our children by the way we live is one of the greatest things we could teach them. So the fact that our lives are infused by our vegetable garden and our honeybees is an incredible education. We didn't necessarily plan that, but it's an extension of who we are. Our children know where there food comes from. They are a part of putting the seed in the ground. They understand the importance of bees in the pollination of their food. They are in the garden several times a day, observing, picking, and playing. Without realizing it, we have given them a lifestyle that meets their needs.

So how, you might ask, does one plate of appetizers generate all that thought in this mama? I don't really know. That's me, I guess. I wanted to write it down so that I could look back and remember how right this all feels... how perfect the presentation of her appetizer was in my life on that June evening when she was eight. I wanted to have a written reference for those days when my head gets going and I lose sight of my inner peace. That plate of sugar snap peas and basil gave me a sense of serenity.... a reminder that I need to stop worrying, let go, and enjoy the abundance that we have. Living in the moment, rather than worrying about the future, is all about relishing that plate of food that my daughter picked from our garden and beautifully prepared for her family. Really. For me... it is.

Turning 40!

I swear, 40 is the new 30, but it was a big deal for me. I'm not apologizing one bit. I went through a process with this one. It was something that I will value for years to come. A cliff notes version would be, "do I want to the next 4o years to replicate any/all of the same behaviors/choices as the first 4o years?" In the weeks leading up to the event of my birthday, I found myself feeling shaky, critical of myself, and low. It was kind of interesting. A month or so before that I had been feeling genuinely excited. Why the up and down?

In the end, my actual birthday weekend was just lovely. It was filled with my friends and family. There were sweet surprises, and caring gestures. It was everything that I could have hoped for. But there was more. I felt a shift within myself. I celebrated last weekend with another half marathon in the woods, this time by myself. It was equally as exhilarating as the last. I realized that I feel strong, loved, and I know where I want to go. In the last year, I have worked through a lot. In my lifetime.... well, I am proud of my accomplishments. They have all been hard earned, and I am graced by beauty and profound love almost every day.

So... the picture above? A mystery to you until now. That's me in the boat a mere 15 years ago, while my husband (friend at the time) watches me run a class V creek rapid on the narrows of the Green River in Western North Carolina. I have seen and done so much.... come so far. If you knew me today at the kids' schools, or at work, or in the grocery, you may never have guessed all there is to know about me in the past 40 years. The same is true for every single one of us in a variety of different ways. We all have pasts, we all have extraordinary moments, and we all have struggles. Living in the present is a constant mantra for me. But what if you dared to look deep into some one's eyes to know them more fully? If you did that with me, you would know the strength, feisty determination, and kindness all wrapped into one mama who turned 40 just a few short weeks ago.

Being a mama....

How does it happen? Eight years can fly by. I still remember the absolute awe I felt at the swelling of my belly. Now, here she is. Eight years later. So much has changed. She has. I have. We have. I now know love that extends from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes. Being a mother challenges me and simultaneously completes me.

I've got this beautiful, intelligent, extraordinary eight year old who still loves to wear the clothes her mama makes her on her birthday. She wears them every day with leggings and t-shirts. As long as she's into it, I'm making her clothes!

There are so many things about being a mama that I never could have imagined. Sometimes I'm tired and ordinary, sometimes I'm awesome. Once I had one, then there came two; that changed everything. It's a struggle at times to juggle it all. Kids have more energy than adults... that is a fact that I dare you to dispute. Hands down, the blog, comes last. But can I just tell you that in some way, all of it makes me who I am? And in the very same breath, I can tell you that I am a better mama thanks to the eight year old and four year old who have graced my life. So... skirts for my girl, as long as she wants them, and blog posts every so once in a while!

Happy Earth Day and Easter!

taken from a Tasha Tudor book that was a part of my childhood

I have so much to show and tell, but it's that time of year isn't it? We're busy planting whenever we can, and life just keeps on clipping along. I have some sewing projects and a quilt to share. Just now, though, we're boiling eggs after quite the Earth Day celebration. Have a wonderful weekend with your family and friends! See you back in this space soon.

Happy First Day of Spring!

My sister was here for a week. She was the laundry fairy that I have always dreamed of having. Well, actually, you will be incredibly jealous to hear that she also cooked, cleaned, and helped with kids. It was a dream come true, and really, words can not express the gratitude I feel.

I greeted this day with a sense of excitement, hope in my heart, and laundry conquered. I love spring.

Prayers for healing and comfort

(Bloodroot blooming in March, a Western North Carolina native)

I'm sending healing thoughts to all those suffering in Japan today.

Blink, blink.

I don't know where December and January went. They got covered over in snow and forgotten about on this blog. I laughed out loud when I saw that our school's billboard states "think NO SNOW." That's a new mantra that I think pretty much everyone around here shares.

I got jolted back into reality yesterday when reading an email titled "brown robin, where are you?" (So... this one's for you Jen.) Then there was a sweet card from my sister with a long list of thank you's. It had things on the list like, " thanks for always listening to me and gently confronting me" or "inspiring me to be brave." Now, that just whopped me upside the head. I have really been so down on myself lately, it never occurred to me that someone thought I was absolutely wonderful and thanked me for it too!

The winter blaws can just creep in I guess. They're stealthy like that. Not enough running and sunshine this time of year. It's not that I'm blue, it's just that I'm undecided about things and more than a little unmotivated. No fun. I'm looking forward to some kinder weather and being gentler with myself. Plus, I have oodles of pictures to show you from the past two months of lovlies that folks have made around here, so I best get back to blogging!

So much to be thankful for...

We've had such a wonderful holiday, despite my initial funk leading up to it. I think all the hype of getting ready for craft shows just does that to me. Despite the fact that it was another wonderful event, I just felt like I needed to go find a real job afterward. Hmmmm.

But it really was hard to stay in that state for long. Thanksgiving day was brilliant here. We went bike riding as a family, and had a really nice time with my extended family that evening. My dad helped me plant my my bulbs in the garden. I had a date night with my husband that included sushi and old friends. We decorated our beautiful Christmas tree. Four days were just jam packed with good stuff.

When the weekend got colder we shifted to a whole bunch of crafting and indoor play. Even my husband got artsy and made some wreaths, which I'll have to show you later. We're all definitely excited about spending our first holidays in our new/old house.

I had to snap a bunch of pictures of the little scenes of play that were happening around our house. It warms my heart especially because I made these fairy dolls last spring for my sweet girl's birthday. They've gotten so much mileage! They were definitely worth the effort. The book mentioned in this post is what I used to guide me.

Here's the dish I made for Thanksgiving, a secret recipe shared by the woman who catered our wedding. We begged her for it after the event, and it's something I take the time to make every year. I hoarded the leftovers and finished that bit off yesterday.

Butternut squash souffle

2 cups butternut squash, roasted, mashed

2 Tablespoon brown sugar

2 Tablespoon maple syrup

1 teaspoon salt

3 Tablespoon corn starch

Mix until smooth. (I use my handheld Cuisinart)

1 stick melted butter

1 1/4 cup cream

3 egg yolks

Mix with butternut squash mixture until smooth.

3 egg whites

pinch salt

Beat in separate bowl to soft peaks. Fold this into squash mixture without over mixing.

Bake in buttered souffle dish at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

Alrighty, then. Now it's time for me to re-enter the real world. Hope you were able to find some moments away from all the stressors this weekend. Have a great week!

I'm always reminding myself to...

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Feel better now?

I do.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Remember how important you are....

Vote!

Ten years of marriage or "go have an affair with your husband"

Yes, I really did mean to say, "go have an affair with your husband (spouse, partner)." There is nothing like adventure, excitement, together time with no one else around... the thrill of being with somebody who still gets you jazzed up.

We've lived together for fourteen years and been married for ten. Had I known how amazing it would be to get away for an overnight without kids, I would have insisted on it a long time ago. It's the best therapy there is.

Let's face it. Relationships are never entirely carefree, no matter how much you love each other. Throw some stressors in, and well, I think we all know how NOT easy marriage can be at times. In reality, I'd say we have a really strong one; we are an amazing team, but we work hard at it.

We were gone for just 24 hours, but it felt like a whole weekend. We motorcycled up to the parkway and camped at Mt. Mitchell, the highest peak east of the Mississippi river. It was utterly amazing to camp on the ridge and be able to look off both sides. We took sushi and a bottle of wine. No cooking! Definitely the way to go.

The next day was coffee in our sleeping bags and some Lara bars. We did a couple of hikes right from our campsite. Our wedding day was during peak leaf season ten years ago, and it was that way this year as well.

My husband and I worked together in an outdoor program, and paddled together for a full year before we ever "got together." We have many years of adventures between us, and somehow going to the highest point in North Carolina for our anniversary on a motorcycle, and tent camping in 30 mile per hour winds with temps below freezing is what we call romance. I'm grinning as I write. It makes us sound pretty hard core, but I guess we are just a little bit. Still, with all our gear, we were never uncomfortable. In fact, I'd label us pretty much "blissed out" the entire time.

After being home and back to family life, the bliss definitely ebbed. It was back to a schedule and meeting kids' needs. No get-aways to high mountain tops with long uninterrupted conversations. We kept stealing looks at one another, co-conspirators of what it can be like without kids.

One thing we talked about on our get-away was that our past adventures are something we hold onto to keep us excited about our lives. Meaning, it's the experiences, not the attainment of objects, that we both treasure. I enjoyed spending time with my playmate again, letting the adventure unfold together. It was like stepping back in time fourteen years. I'm savoring it even now.

Just what we needed...

This is what it took to help me heal...

Running, swimming, playing in the sand, sea shell walks, sewing, reading, knitting, fishing, sitting in rocking chairs watching the ocean shift...

Eating sea trout, red drum, and flounder that my husband caught. Combining every good catch with beets, potatoes, basil, and the last of summer's tomatoes from our mountain gardens.

No phones, t.v., or Internet connections. No schedule... just the four of us.

I miss it already. It was extraordinary, and just the cleansing we needed as a family.

Happy 1st of October to you!

On hiatus

It appears that I need to announce an official break from posting on my blog. Our gmail is down for the count, so I can't even answer emails... such a drag. However, the bigger deal is that I have been very sick and in pain every day since I was bitten by that dog on August 4. I've had four rounds of antibiotics now. My body is totally wrecked from fighing infection and dealing with pain. I wish I had more positive things to report, so.... I'm going to unplug and focus all my energies on healing.

See you all soon.

Feeling the light

Thank you so much everyone who has sent their well wishes with a phone call, an email, a meal, or a comment left on my post. I do, indeed, believe that my recovery has been speedier thanks to all of the love and light sent my way. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me to have so many people that I don't even know expressing concern. It has renewed my faith in the goodness of people, when I must say that the owners of the dog have caused me to question that lately. So... thank you, thank you, thank you! You changed my life with your gestures of caring. Now isn't that just a terrific reminder of the power we all have? Really. It makes such a difference.

P.S. If you can believe it, our gmail account has crashed. So if you're not hearing from me via an email, that's why! Could be a while by the looks of things....